'cos it's easy, when you know how it's done

Friday, May 19, 2006

7:48 PM

it's just so hard to keep together
when you know that there's nothing you can do to make it better

a bundle of 'what if's are one of the things you can say for comfort
but that's just such a distort

sometimes it's just so hard to accept reality
but at times its good to have a high fidelity

life's just so damn complicated
sometimes you're hyped
other times you're have to be psyched
for the outcomes might be damned

but you have to carry on
before everything's gone

now that's the beauty of it all
it carries you up from your fall

everything would be alright
it'll happen very soon in fact

it's just a matter of time
before you climb

till then, you'll have to keep it in tact
and that's just a matter-of-fact

the non-believer

12:58 PM

I didn't go to school today. Pfft. After what happened yesterday, I don't think I'll be able to go to school anymore. It's just so hard to take ... how could this happen to me? How?! I really felt down yesterday ... I don't think I've ever felt this way before ... the sadness is still here, lingering somewhere in me. It's just ... HORRIBLE. I mean ... I thought I could do better. What's with me??!! Cried so bad that I had a splitting headache and I couldn't help but cry more. I cried myself to sleep yesterday. This isn't what I expected to happen. Why?!?! Even after taking some pills the pain was not going away. Why?!?! This is a REAL downer. I mean ... some people think that I'm mad the way I am and that I'm upset for no reason. But well, the thing is even though I did better than you, I had expected more because I know that I could have done better and I don't know any other way of helping myself than crying. So that's just it ... I'm not being mean or anything but it's just that I had expected to have done better. Well, basically I was just VERY disappointed with myslef. Scratch that ... that would be an understatement. Yea, so as I'm writing this I already feel like shit and some people are making me feel worst. It's just hard ... and it also freaks me out as I've never been this upset and for this long in my life. Well ... all I can do now is look ahead and pick myself up and help myself feel better but until then I don't think what anyone does or says would make me feel better and that's just it. Sorry guys, if I'm gonna be sad ... just don't ask me why okay? I'll have to get through this myself and I don't know how long it takes. Oh and don't worry ... I won't get suicidal. D-UH. It's just that ... I'm shocked ... flabbergasted ... but I'm not dumb and I'm still sane.

the non-believer

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

5:44 PM

HEY!!
Okay, I just came back from school and I'm TIRED. I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days ... god knows why. Anyways, today was awful. I GOT BACK MY TAMIL RESULTS!! I was actually quite surprised and happy about my results. I mean, it wasn't that good but I was expecting WORST, much much worst. I got a B3!! Well, it's like REAL close to an A2 so all the more I was happier. But d-uh, I wanted more. So anyways, other than that, nothing happened. Okay so we had a movie screening in the hall and they showed Monster-in-Law. Pffft. We already saw it last year!!! So my and Nikki were so darn bored and we played hangman ... well it was only one game and we both got bored of it after 5 minutes but wth, it was better than the movie anyways. So then we had a one-hour long recess and got back our papers and after that we came back to class and that was it. I had to stay back until 3.15pm for the guides photo-taking. I so didn't want to go but we HAD to 'cos it would be weird if all three people from 2G1 didn't go. Oh and MEI DIDN'T COME!! So it was only me and Xuan. So yea that was it and I changed back into the school uniform and we went home!! Oh and we planned to make some prank calls! Haha. So that was all about what happened and there's American Idol today. I'm not THAT excited but oh well, it's definitely worth a watch. Oh shit, shit, shit, shit. I'M GETTING BACK MY RESULTS TMR. Oh shit, shit, shit, shit. I am SO not gonna do well ... especially maths!!! Oh damn. Oh well ... I've gotta live with what I've done, it's over and I can do nothing about it. Pffffft. Now THAT sucks. Oh well ... I was having fun until now. I only have a few hours to enjoy so wth let me just spend it in the best way I can. This spells ... FANFICTION!!! Okay then, TOODLES! Wish me good luck. I mean, what's the WORST that could happen?! I'll die?! WTV. Haha, so wish me lotsa luck!

the non-believer

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

1:41 PM

Hey!!
I still haven't gotten over the fact the Aras won ... well, the fact that Danielle chose him over Terry. Anyways, at the same time, it seems like to most common and logical thing; Aras winning. Oh well, let's see what happened yesterday. First they did the thing they always do when they are in the final three ... looking back at the former Survivors ... I ALWAYS love that part but this time the three of them didn't comment much. So then they had a reward challenge which Aras was leading and he got to the end faster than Terry but Terry figured out how to put in those poles into the holes ... Aras had fumbled. So, in the end, Terry won. HE FRIGGIN' WON A HUGE MEAL AND A BED FOR THE DAY!! Like omg. It's a HUGE thing ... especially before the BIGGEST immunity challenge in the game. So anyways, the game was about balancing on a platform and after 15 minutes you had to go over to the next platform which was SMALLER. And it's like on the sea. All of them pulled through the first and second one ... it was only the third one where all of them had problems ... well all except for Danielle. She had a HUGE advantage in the challenge ... her being the smallest and lightest and Aras had a disadvantage 'cos he was the tallest ... and he and Terry were so much more bigger than Danielle. Anyways, Terry went down first and soon, Aras did so eventually Danielle won immunity. She chose ARAS to go into the final two with her ... I was kinda shocked. Oh well ... it's great news so wth. So anyways, Aras and Danielle went back to camp and the next day there was a feast for them and Aras was walking down the rocky area holding a wine glass and he friggin slipped!! Like omg. He was hurst REAL bad ... the glass cut his palm and pinky finger and hit him in the back ... it was DEEP. Gosh, so anyways they had to get the Survivor paramedics to stitch him up. It was scary ... I mean of all days ... he chose the last day to get injured. Haha ... so then they had the confrontation thing during tribal council ... and Shane and Courtney were taking it too far. I mean Courtney was like "My guns were thrown in the sea of forgiveness". I was like ... ?!?! Shane was the WORST though. He called Danielle useless and he was angry at Aras for voting him out. BUT HE DIDNT THINK ABOUT ARAS TALKING HIM INTO STAYING IN THE GAME DURING THE FIRST FEW DAYS ... NEITHER DID HE THINK ABOUT HIMSELF BETRAYING ARAS WHEN HE VOTED FOR ARAS ONCE. God, I'm like WTH is his bloody problem. ARGH. Oh wells ... during the reunion the votes were read and d-uh ... ARAS WON. Yea so the reunion was nice but they didn't talk to some people. Oh and they got Cirie a trophy for catching the fish!! Haha, it was hilarious but sweet. She really changed a lot ... I mean on the first day she was scared to even pick leaves and by the end of her journey she knew how to make a fire!! You go girl!! Oh and she won a car 'cos in the webbie she was voted the most favourite Survivor!! Haha ... Danielle also changed ... she learnt to be more independant. Aras' ego was smashed ... which is a good thing 'cos now he's become a better person. So anyways ... that's what happened and the next Survivor series is Cook Islands. THE PREVIEW WAS DAMN COOL! Who am I kidding?! Its ALWAYS cool. Haha ... can't wait!! Now I seriously don't know what I'd do on Friday nights ... oh well ... I'll definitely miss those bunch of wacky people. Haha ... so now I'm off for bowling with my sis. So toodles!!!

Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.’- Ida Taylor

the non-believer

12:53 AM

!!SPOILER WARNING!!

OMG ... THE RESULTS ARE BEING READ NOW!

VOTE 1: ARAS!!!
VOTE 2: DANIELLE
VOTE 3: DANIELLE
VOTE 4: ARAS!!!
VOTE 5: ARAS!!!
VOTE 6: ARAS!!!!

OH MY FRIGGIN' GOD ... ARAS WON!!! LIKE ... YOU GO MAN!!!!!

the non-believer

Monday, May 15, 2006

10:04 PM

OH MY GOD!! ARAS IS IN THE BLOODY FRIGGIN' TOP TWO!!! LIKE OH MY GOD!!! I THOUGHT DANIELLE WOULD BRING TERRY WITH HER!!! WTH. TO TERRY: HAHA!! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER THAN YOU. YOU JUST HAVE TO OPEN YOUR BLOODY EYES. OH MY GOD!! HAHA. ARAS, I LOVE YOU!!! BUT DANIELLE ... DO YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN AGAINST ARAS?? OH WELL ... KEEP YOU POSTED WHEN THE RESULTS ARE OUT!!

OH, AND THE CURSE OF THE CAR LIVES ON ...

LOVE YA!!!

the non-believer

10:04 PM

HEY!!
Today we had our most awaited learning journey!! Pfft. It was SHIT ... well, not that I was expecting it to be wonderful anyways. As usual, BORING. Oh well, but the company was good. So, then we had a break and me and Cher told the rest that we were gonna pee and we went to get Nikki the A Walk To Remember VCD!!! I mean, Cher was getting it for her, I just sorta tagged along. Like seriously, that's the SWEETEST thing ever!! Haha. Oh and the look on Nikki's face was just so ... well, she was BEYOND happy. Haha. Oh shucks ... I just realised that me and Cher have not been exactly close ... as in cloer than last year. I'm sorry okay? I love you and always will no matter what! So, then ... you won't believe it but WE WERE FRIGGIN' DISMISSED AT 12.30!?! Yea, and I wanted to be good and RESISTED and didn't go back home to watch Survivor. OMGOMGOMG. I'm like SO TOTALLY EXCITED!!! It's the moment I've been waiting for. But when this whole thing ends, the episode ends and I'll have to wait for the next one but its all worth it. Haha. I just wish Aras would at least make it to the final two. Well, like I said ... as long as Terry doesn't win, I'LL BE HAPPY. God, oh and he won the car ... there's this curse on the car ... it's like in the whole Survivor history, no one who has won the car has ever won the GAME. So I hope likewise Terry doesn't win and I definitely don't want him to be the one breaking the curse 'cos I don't like him. Haha. Oh well, Survivor is in like about 50 minutes time and I JUST CANNOT WAIT!!! Ahhhhhh ... oh well ... I better be off before something drastic happens. (I might resort to going to the website and I'll know who won!! Ugh, that would SO suck) Yea, anyways, tomorrow I'm going bowling and it's been a long time since I last bowled ... haha. Well, that's about it so bye!! Oh and before I go, here is a poem someone wrote on fanfiction about A Walk To Remember ... its a poem on Landon looking back at his relationship with Jamie.

Life ticks away
Like numerals dragging by
Leaving nothing to say
Nothing is clear why
But it started forty years ago
When I was young and green
It was strange if I say so
I was only seventeen
I didn’t want to go with her
It seemed to last to long
But looking back passed in a blur
So I’ll sing my song
My story, no, our faerie tale
I didn’t want to do the play
My conscious she did nail
So even to this day
I’m glad for that after-school hour
Things are always different
So at the time it seemed luck was sour
She stole my heart without consent
In that play practice every day
I started to fall in love so soonShe always knew what to say
To me she was the stars and moon
But then she gave me the news on day
I nearly died when she told me
Now in a casket she will lay
So her true heart then I could see
I appreciate the days I spent
But still she took my hand
I admit my heart was lent
And she slipped through my fingers like sand
My Jamie, cancer was her curse
Still she held her Bible tight
There could be nothing worse
Than loosing her that night
But she taught me about true love
It started back that September
And I believe she was sent from above
To take me on a walk to remember

the non-believer

Sunday, May 14, 2006

7:42 PM

See, I'm staying true to the one-day-a-post thingy. Oh well, today has been BORING. Nothing much happened but got hooked on fanfiction, as usual. Seriously, who doesn't enjoy fanfiction?! Especially when it's addictive. Haha. So, tomorrow there have been plans to go watch a movie!! Ahh ... some GONERS bonding is needed! Haha. So, tomorrow we have the learning journey trip which we paid $7 for. I mean, seriously, why $7 when we are just visiting temples?! Pffft. Anyways, I PROMISED Aish, Paddy and Nikki to fill in with them what happened in Survivor! Haha, I'm sure that they'll be excited. Oh wells, I have a dirty little secret to admit! I HAVEN'T GOT CHER HER PRESENT. After the exams all I could think about was fanfiction so I gues that I got kinda ... let's put it this way ... engrossed. OMG. I feel terrible. SORRY CHER!! Love ya!! Haha, I will buy it tomorrow or somthing. Oh, and I had this TALK with Paddy, Aish and Nikki and they apparantly wanted to freak me out and came up with this WEIRD thing ... well, Nikki started it. Haha, Nikki, you are seriously bored coming up with stuff like that, SCARY. Haha. Oh well, FINE, I MUST ADMIT ... I WAS kinda scared. Haha. So now, here I am listening to "It's Gonna Be Love". Well, listening to the whole track of A Walk To Remember. The WHOLE class should watch it and it would be like a perfect Kodak moment; everyone crying and leaning on each other. Oh well, leave it to me and Nikki to cry then. Haha, oh and haven't given the present I got for Mum to her yet! Haha, don't blame me okay ... blame Praba and her stupid perfect-moment thing. I mean, we'll like NEVER give it to her this way. Anyways, I was listening to some songs just now and my stupid piano pieces started playing. I know that it's freaky that I ripped the whole CD onto the computer but heck, I wanted to be able to listen to it whenever I felt like it. Gosh, they are like DAMN friggin' hard. So darn hard, I tell ya. Oh wells ... I have to be able to cope and the bloody teacher wants me to take my exams in December. Well, I was like screaming ... NO!! I mean ... so little time to master those horrible pieces that are out to get me??!! NO THANKS! And I'm scared for my exam results ... I don't know why this suddenly came up but I AM FREAKED OUT. Oh shit,shit,shit,shit ... what if I don't do well??!! What if I don't even get any A1s??!!! Oh shit,shit,shit ... now that WOULD be horrible. Oh great, leave it to me to spoil the perfect moment of no worries and a happy life of fanfiction. Oh well, better get my mind off it right now, I mean ... what
s done is done ... you gotta live ith it right now. This however, sucks and does not make me feel better but wth, I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT. Gosh, FINE. OMG. TOMORROW'S THE FINALE FOR SURVIVOR!!! Good thing that I don't have guides but I still CANNOT catch the direct off-satelite to I'll have to wait for the 11-2 am one. BRING IT ON, BABY!! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT, THE WINNER!!! Aww shucks ... now this episode would be over then. HUMPH. No more Aras with his weird name calling habit. Gosh, he's so adorable!!! Haha. YOU GO ARAS!!! YOU'LL LIKE SO TOTALLY BE THE WINNER!! LOVE YA LOADS!!! Haha. Well, as long as Terry doesn't win, I'm contented. Of course, if Aras wins ... I'LL BE ON TOP OF THE WORLD, HELL YEA! Haha ... okay then. I'm off to my dream world in fanfiction. BYE!

"When tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart. For everytime you think of me, I'm right here in your heart."

See the stuff you get from fanfiction?? So now, what d'ya think huh Paddy? It's BEYOND wonderful right?? HAHA. Oh and this stuff is rated 100% for being mushy.

the non-believer

Saturday, May 13, 2006

2:22 PM

Hey!!
Okay, I SHALL UPDATE! I was just browsing through my dear fanfiction and before I knew it, I was back here! So, how has my week been? Oh, EXCITING (i'll explain later on) and sad because CHRIS DAUGHTRY LEFT!!!! God, I mean he is REALLY good!!! He has one of the best vocals, along with Katherine. THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!! Oh well ... but he definitely HAS a future, with that voice he'll go far. Now on to something less depressing. ARAS FRIGGIN' WON IMMUNITY AND THE REWARD!!! My dear, wonderful Aras has busted Terry!!! OMG, I was ecstatic. During the challenges I was like screaming and screaming and I swore that I would cry if Aras didn't win immunity. Phew. HE IS SAFE!!!! But now there's like a tie-breaker between Danielle and Cirie and before they could go on in the fire challenge ... TO BE CONTINUED. Pffffft. I WAS ANNOYED. I want to know who went out. NOW I'LL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL MONDAY ... IN THE NIGHT!!! I so cannot catch the direct off-satelite because it's like at 1.15 pm and well, that's EXACTLY when school ends. I REALLY NEEED TO KNOW WHO GOES AND STAYS AND WHO WINS THE NEXT IMMUNITY. This is a HUGE thing for Aras. If he doesn't get immunity its bye to my dear cute 'lil lion. I want Cirie to win the tie-breaker, actually. Then if it's a mind challenge, she'll win again and WHOPEEE- ARAS IS IN THE FIANL TWO!! Okay, now on to my week. Haha. Anyways, post-exam activities were like SO-NOT-INTERESTING. Seriously, and WE GOT CHOSEN TO GO TO JAPAN!!! Pfffft. I wanted to go but unfortunately, it clashes with my holiday. Stupid, stupid, stupid holiday. But I'd rather go on the holiday, actually ... heh. Anyways, that's about all the interesting stuff that happened and I don't want to go on to how the exams were 'cos that's a TOUCHY topic. I screwed up and that's all. Okay so now I probably have to go because I have piano. UGH. And I'm actually wanting to do a blogskin for myself ... that'd be so cute. Haha. So for now, I'll have to stick with this skin. Oh, and I've planned on updating my blog often. How's once a day sound? Oh wells, TAAAA for now!

the non-believer